Lazily browsing Instagram this afternoon, I stumbled upon a woman who described herself, in winter, as a hibernating bear. I adore this in so many ways. How freeing to allow, to forgive, to be PATIENT with myself through the long, struggle-y winter months.
Though born in the heart of it, I’ve never loved winter. Extra hours of darkness combining with icy sidewalks, bitter wind and waves of 21st century plague cause my insides to tremble in dread as early as mid-August. I know I sound dramatic. The fact is, winter means facing things that feed my depression, making staying ‘okay’ a bit more difficult.
Medication and therapy can be vital tools for managing depression, however, I believe much of the healing happens in the seemingly insignificant moments of daily living. Truly LIVING with depression means finding ways to fuel the inner flame.
In winter, much of my survival toolbox consists of methods for generating warmth and light, both literally and figuratively. These are a few of the things I do regularly, if not daily, to keep my fire burning.
Light candles with intention. By this I mean, be PRESENT in the action.
Create a skincare regimen and stick with it. Cold winter air means dry, thirsty skin. Taking care of your skin not only helps combat dragon scale but also serves as a SELF-CARE practice.
Maintain a TIDY and pleasant environment. I keep my space clean and organized. Those who know depression will relate to the all-encompassing dullness of anhedonia, that lack of interest in everything. Keeping art and craft supplies in easy to reach, organized compartments means that when I feel like doing something I easily can.
Hang string lights. Yes, year round.
Focus on eating healthy, PLANT-BASED meals. Stay away from items made from a long list of ingredients you cannot pronounce. I also like to keep low or no prep items in stock for days when my energy is running particularly low. Lotus Foods’ Rice Ramen is my current addiction. And Larabars are almost always available in my kitchen.
Plan for FUTURE fun. My latest project is researching all the road trips I can take with our new little dog, Hazelnut. She’s just the right size for car travel, and I’m thrilled at the thought of sharing outdoor adventures with a canine friend.
If at all possible, GET OUTSIDE. Early last autumn I determined not to allow winter to keep me housebound. Keeping cold weather gear at the ready gives me fewer excuses to remain glued to the couch.
Show MERCY. Some days are tougher than others and that’s okay. Dare to show yourself the compassion you would a beloved friend.
Now it’s your turn. I want to know–how do you get through the winter doldrums? What are your tried and true self care methods?
An episode of All in the Family, the 70’s television show, was playing on the “antenna tv” station today. I was only half watching but looked up as the mother figure (Edith) was in distress. As it turns out, a man had attempted to rape her. Over the next 15 to 20 minutes of the program, I watched Edith experience all of the classic grief reactions.
I felt them with her.
I was raped five years ago.
I’m sitting here wanting to erase that sentence with all the usual ridiculous banter bouncing around my head. Maybe I’ll offend someone. Maybe I shouldn’t talk about it. Maybe I should just pretend it never happened. Maybe I should call it something that causes less of a reaction from others….assault, sexual battery?
The truth is, I’m tired of the way we all talk our way around the issue. I’m tired of the feelings of self-blame and guilt victims place on themselves and have placed upon them. I’m tired of feeling embarrassed for something I didn’t ask for and was powerless to stop.
According to RAINN, 1 out of every 6 American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed sexual assault. 1 out of every 6. And while the victims suffer in silence, only 2% of rapists will ever spend a day in prison, due only in part to unreported assaults.
To all the other 1 in 6, you are NOT alone. You are not forgotten. The shame is not yours to bear. The guilt does not belong to you. It was NOT YOUR FAULT.
You invite a friend to your home. Upon her arrival, you inform her that her outfit looks terrible and that she could really afford to lose a couple pounds. When she speaks, you let her know her thoughts are silly and invalid. When she says she is hungry, you tell her she doesn’t need to eat and hand her a piece of gum. OR, maybe just give her an entire package of cookies to go ahead and finish off because her weight is already “too far gone.”
You’d never do this, would you?
And yet, many of us treat ourselves in this manner on a daily basis. I confess, I am one of them. I struggle to feel the same love and tenderness for myself that I can easily muster for others.
The reality is, you (and me) are just as deserving. Just as worthy of love.
All of us have a running internal dialogue. Some feelings and thoughts may be so deeply ingrained that we no longer realize when we are silently judging and sabotaging ourselves. My challenge to myself today is to become more aware of that internal dialogue and to turn around the negative thoughts when they arise, to choose to treat myself as I would a friend.
What might this mean for you? In what aspect of your life could you benefit from slowing down and offering yourself that which you would freely give to someone you loved?
March has arrived, and though it is snowing this morning, spring is just around the corner. I mentioned my love for fresh starts in my New Year’s post, so I thought I’d take a moment to set my intentions for the coming weeks.
My focus this month is on mindfulness and really encouraging myself to be in the moment. Such a simple idea! And yet so, so challenging. Far too often I catch myself fretting about the day ahead, the week to come, over-analyzing past moments, working myself into a frenzy about how I will deal with all the “ifs.” None of this is beneficial to me. It is living in a cloud, blind and fumbling.
Being present in the moment allows one to truly experience the beauty in the simplest actions. Our senses are continuously providing us with a wealth of information, but if we aren’t paying attention, we miss out. My goal is to catch myself when my mind is wandering into modes of thought which are unhelpful and retrain my concentration to what is happening in that moment.
As I write this, my cat is purring like a freight-train on my lap. My tea is hot and tastes faintly of vanilla. Outside, fur trees are blanketed in snow. I could just as easily have missed all this had I not brought my attention to the “now.”
Awhile ago I caught an episode of Dr. Oz (a rare occurrence, as I’m not a fan) where I was informed of a new body-labeling term called the “thut.” According to Dr. Oz, a thut occurs when a person has no real definition between the bottom of her butt and the top of her thigh. I’m not even going to discuss the definition of this thut phenomenon further because the entire thing infuriates me.
When are we going to stop this madness?!
If it isn’t one thing it’s the other–bat wings, muffin top, saddle bags, belly pooch, thunder thighs, back fat, crows feet. I’ve had it up to my “diminuative chin” with the body shaming!
We’ve created a culture in which we tear our bodies apart, piece by piece. While there’s nothing wrong with trying to be healthy, shaming our bodies for imperfections is both unhealthy and joy-stealing.
Perhaps, instead of focusing on supposed flaws (and perpetuating body hate), we could start looking at our bodies as one amazing structure. Look at all this body has carried you through–the injuries and illnesses and times of emotional stress (both positive and negative), the misuse, abuse and times of neglect.
Perhaps, rather than picking out our bodies’ perceived shortcomings, we should be thanking them.
I’m going to go ahead and assume that insecurity is a problem nearly everyone struggles with at some point or another. I know I have dealt with this issue for a large part of my life, and though, at the ripe old age of 31, I can say this is becoming less of an everyday battle, I still have my moments.
As human beings we have a tendency to be constantly comparing ourselves to those around us. And, the fact of the matter is, there’s always going to be someone who is better looking, more talented, more intelligent, what have you. But! At the risk of sounding ridiculously cliche and corny, one other reality is that there is only one you– one you with your unique blend of appearance and personality and skills and flaws. And that, oh people of the internet, is damn beautiful.
Every time I write a post or share a piece of music I’ve written, I experience an intense feeling of anxiety because oh goodness I’m going to be judged! And some people aren’t going to like what I’ve created. And some people aren’t going to care. And I’m not Tolstoy and I don’t have perfect grammar (case in point) and I can’t write music like Beethoven or flippin’ Ben Folds.
You know what? Who cares.
The best thing we can do is embrace the truest form of ourselves. Stop (are you listening, self?) comparing yourself to everyone around you. Learn from others and then move on. Go out and create something that didn’t exist until you made it so.
After not sleeping well last night, I found myself in an emotional slump. My attitude was negative, I (might’ve) cried into my lunch, and I made poor eye contact with the nothing-but-friendly cashier at the health food store. So many times I’ve let bad hours turn into bad days and bad nights, relinquishing any chance for seeing or experiencing beauty. I did not want today to be one of those days.
Though I can’t recall (or even find) the specific quote, I once read something about doing the “next best thing.” This particular quote was in reference to eating disorder slips, but can be easily applied to any number of good-mood-destroying events. The basic idea is that, even if you cannot always prevent something negative from happening, you can do the “next best thing,” the next positive step toward opening yourself up to what could be.
For me, today, that involved a hot shower, comfortable clothes, tea, a book and a soft blanket.
For as long as I can remember, I have found solace in music. Whether I was throwing myself into piano practice or blasting industrial “noise” as loudly as my eardrums could tolerate, I longed for the sweetness of rhythm and melody, the objectivity of notes and measures and time signatures. Even my first tattoo is a visualization of this feeling–a woman floating, peaceful and untethered, held aloft by nothing more than the gentle pulse of song.
Most recently I’ve had the pleasure of beginning to learn some basic drum skills. (A thanks goes out to my patient and ever-encouraging teacher…you know who you are.) I’d never imagined the drum set an easy instrument to master, though I have to admit I was unaware just how brain-splitting the entire process is! And I’ve not even managed to move beyond the basics (bass, snare, hihat)! Regardless, I am enjoying myself immensely and, given the absence of a set to regularly practice on, find myself occasionally air-drumming in the manner of some beat-obsessed lunatic.
Each time I sit down to play I first must overcome the introvert within, who screams in fear of making a giant ruckus. Once I begin, however, I find that the opposition to making noise lessens to the point of extinction, and I am able to find pleasure in my self-created cacophony.
I suppose the lesson in this, my friends, is: Try something new. Make some noise! Let your spirit run a little wild and to hell with the opposition.
I have been absent for awhile, as events in my life have forced me to re-examine the way I’ve been living, the way I think and the way I carry out my beliefs on a day-to-day basis. I think it sometimes takes a minor crisis to get my attention. With that being said, I’ve developed a renewed focus on being aware of myself and staying mindful in the individual moments of my day. As a chronic worrier, my mind is often a step ahead in another dimension, so this is a titanic task (oooh, I love accidental alliteration).
In college, I gave a speech about mindful eating. I passed out Hershey’s kisses and asked everyone to look at the chocolate, smell it and finally allow it to melt on their tongues. Eating slowly, using your senses, allows your body to truly grasp what is happening as you nourish yourself. Too often we are in a rush, focused on something else or just too tired to go through this process. And I understand that! I was always eating in front of the television, shoving food into my face without paying attention. The end result? I often felt unsatisfied and reached for more food that I didn’t need.
“When walking, walk. When eating, eat.” rashaski
One of the newest goals for myself has been to 1) make meals I enjoy 2) arrange them in an attractive manner 3) set the table and 4) turn off the damn television. Without the added distraction, I feel I am able to get more enjoyment out of my meals, leaving me sated and not needing seconds (or triggering a massive binge). I know this is going to be a lengthy process and though I’m not “permitting” slip-ups I’m sure there will be some along the way. Regardless, I feel this is an important aspect of my recovery and of learning that food is not the enemy.
My challenge to everyone is to give mindfulness a chance. Could you sit quietly for even one meal a day? How does doing so change the experience of eating? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
For more on mindful eating, check out this link. I love these suggestions!
Standing brightly among the plethora of Canadian geese is a single white goose. I’ve named her Genevieve.
I’ve seen Genevieve all over town–on the sidewalk by the park, swimming alone on the river. I can’t figure out why she is always the only one of her type or why she is generally alone. (Any goose experts out there?)
As I am wont to do, I’ve been personifying this solitary white goose. She’s a loner, independent. She stands in stark contrast to her environment but doesn’t care! No inadequacies here, Genevieve knows who she is and isn’t afraid to show it.
M’dears…if you’re feeling insecure, look to Genevieve and be your big, bad, beautiful self!
Exploring, adventuring and working hard to be the best version of myself